Pure Linen

What makes you want to start a blog?? I'm laying in my bed...just panties and reading glasses and I decided to start one. My mind is always everywhere else it shouldn't be and I guess I just missed the freedom of being a small girl and keeping a diary. I think I've outgrown diary years, so it's time to play how the big kids play and start a blog....right?? hmm..well for now I guess so. Now, I don't know how sensored this blogspot is but I plan on being as open as I can, expressing myself in every way, no matter how miniscule.

Let's keep in mind that this is all completely anonymous....but I feel that alittle background knowledge won't hurt. So I'll give myself an alias, so that you feel comfortable calling me something so lets settle for....Queen. I love it. It sounds strong, powerful, natural. My name is Queen. I'm an African American female living in downtown Atlanta, Georgia. I consider myself very attractive...but yet I'm still very insecure. I guess I'm still finding myself. My height is a part of me that I've finally accepted. I'm 5'8 but it seems like everyone else in the world was only about 5'5 at one time and I used to feel like some sort of tall giant. My skin has been blessed and kissed by the sun. I'm a certified chocolate woman. I love my complexion....something like a Hersheys....yum :-). So imagine this, I'm petite, only around 125 and I look like a cat. My eyes are my best feature and I've learned how to work them to my best advantage. My nose is narrow and my chin is small and atop my head is all natural baby....a decision I made about a year and a half ago. I'm grown, independent and finishing up my bachelor's degree at a university in the city. I'm wise beyond my years so I find that stating my age is completely irrelevant; age is just a distraction of the mind. And I don't want you to be distracted.

I'm wondering how interesting my life really is. How different it is from someone else's. I try to rationalize my actions sometimes to make them stand out, be unique from the next person's just so I can say my situation is not the same as theirs. Just so that I can't be put in some kind of category, especially a negative one. I bet everyone thinks like that though. Ha, so everyone is in this mindset of being different but couldn't that just make us all the same? I'm sure we're not as unique as we truly want to be. If we were, then we would do exactly what we wanted to do REGARDLESS of how it affected anyone else; as long as it wasn't causing others' harm. I've tried living like that, dating men more than 15 years older than me, getting tattoos, smoking canibus on the daily, while still maintaining a normal life, going to my classes, being active on campus and indulging in meaningless friendships. It's like night and day. I don't like certain aspects of my life to collide and come together.

I'm a very private person almost to the point where I can consider myself anti-social but I've become very clever as to how to cover it up. Meeting me, you would never know that I'm really not listening to much you're saying. Most of the time, I'm daydreaming in my own world and darting in and out of conversation with a simple "yea" or "what!" to show my interest that I'm really lacking on the inside. People make me paranoid but I would be upset if I didn't get the attention that I got. Crazy, I know. I'm currently seeing someone...we'll call him "King". I've known King for alittle over five years and we've just recently gotten back in contact with each other to try and take this relationship somewhere. I've never met a man that knows me as much as he does. It almost scares me how he knows what I'm thinking. It also scares me to think about spending the rest of my life with him. I'm so used to being in control and he takes all that control away from me. I feel like a child with him sometimes but maybe that's just part of letting him be my King. You have to relinquish a part of your soul and give it to a man when you become ONE with him. King is teaching me a lot about myself and about the world though. He is very valuable to have in my life and I appreciate and respect him fully.

I work in midtown at a distinquished clothing store, no names necessary. I'm beginning to learn alot about myself even through my job. Everyone is out for self growth and people are not fair. It's the sucky truth that I've stumbled upon. I need to be more of a bitch to get my points across. I work with some of the best gay men that Atlanta has to offer...if you have visited Atlanta before then you know what I mean by that statement. Gay men are some of the best girlfriends a woman can have and I do love my boys. They keep me happy, entertained, and I know they won't hold back when I ask the for a real opinion. If you don't have one, please do go find a gay friend. They are necessary by means of survival.

On the subject of gay men, I've been thinking about homosexuality frequently lately. Thankfully, I"m being satisfied in the dick department but there are plenty of single women in Atlanta getting sucked into the "I'm not sure if I'm straight or gay" men pile here. I was having a conversation with one of my gay male coworkers, Ley, who used to be married but left his wife to move to Atlanta to pursue men and modeling, and he told me he was ready to move so that he could find a girlfriend and have kids. He was waiting for the "gayness" to leave him so he could live a normal life. Being a heterosexual black female, I was slightly offended by this. What if I married a man who used to sleep with other men, unbeknowest to me?? I would be pissed. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against homosexuality, but I don't think you can wish the gay away and it's not fair for yourunknowing significant other. If that yearning is in your heart, it will be there ten years later when you're married with a wife and kids. Not only will she have to watch out for skank females, now she has to look out for undercover dick lovers...damn what is the world coming to??? When you find out let me know!